longing to behold

Over the years, I've become increasingly aware of a very real tension of attempting to define God and feeling like I am losing God in some way the more I attempt to describe Him.  At first I think it seemed like I was merely reacting against those who defined God in such a way that excluded others or used a belief system like a powerful weapon against those who disagreed.  It was a reaction against these things--but it was more.  It seemed that the more controlling reign I sought on my "doctrine" the more God became less God--and One in whom I needed to protect.  Within Convergence, I have seen emerge a community who is willing to wrestle with letting God of a fine-tuned required language about God and embracing the mystery of God.  It has been such a refreshing time to be a part of a community who is willing to leave questions unanswered, struggle openingly with highs and lows of life, and become increasingly aware that God is both known and unknowable---both the One in whom we can have all of our life wrapped up in and yet not have all the answers about life.

Tim Keel describes what I am attempting to express in words from his own journey (from his Leadership Journal article, Naked in the Pulpit).  They have encouraged me many times over the years . . .

Comprehension is understanding; apprehension is beholding. Cognitive people seek comprehension; contemplative people look for apprehension. In our preaching we often seek to understand God, to use language to describe who or what God is. That kind of description can be deceptive. It can be a form of control.

We know from the Bible that any god we can control is no real god but an idol. Our preaching must reckon with the reality that Yahweh is shrouded, mysterious, and often inaccessible. How can we comprehend that?

Apprehension is simply stepping back and marveling at what it is we behold, even if we have no idea who it is or what is happening. For a scriptural reference, the psalms of lament are a good starting point, as is Job.

If the only kind of speech we use is speech that deals with comprehension, then we will only talk about that which we understand. As a preacher, I am invited to describe a reality that I am just beginning to get the hint of. That means being willing not to know, to stumble over language so I might tell a story. I'm not so interested in merely providing comprehension; I'm interested in describing reality, even if that leaves room for confusion.

We'll explore more of the implecations of making room in our life beyond comprehension to "apprehension is beholding" in the next several weeks of the Gathering (every Sunday 5pm) conversation.