longing to behold
Over the years, I've become increasingly aware of a very real tension of attempting to define God and feeling like I am losing God in some way the more I attempt to describe Him. At first I think it seemed like I was merely reacting against those who defined God in such a way that excluded others or used a belief system like a powerful weapon against those who disagreed. It was a reaction against these things--but it was more. It seemed that the more controlling reign I sought on my "doctrine" the more God became less God--and One in whom I needed to protect. Within Convergence, I have seen emerge a community who is willing to wrestle with letting God of a fine-tuned required language about God and embracing the mystery of God. It has been such a refreshing time to be a part of a community who is willing to leave questions unanswered, struggle openingly with highs and lows of life, and become increasingly aware that God is both known and unknowable---both the One in whom we can have all of our life wrapped up in and yet not have all the answers about life.
Tim Keel describes what I am attempting to express in words from his own journey (from his Leadership Journal article, Naked in the Pulpit). They have encouraged me many times over the years . . .
Comprehension is understanding; apprehension is beholding. Cognitive people seek comprehension; contemplative people look for apprehension. In our preaching we often seek to understand God, to use language to describe who or what God is. That kind of description can be deceptive. It can be a form of control.
We know from the Bible that any god we can control is no real god but an idol. Our preaching must reckon with the reality that Yahweh is shrouded, mysterious, and often inaccessible. How can we comprehend that?
Apprehension is simply stepping back and marveling at what it is we behold, even if we have no idea who it is or what is happening. For a scriptural reference, the psalms of lament are a good starting point, as is Job.
If the only kind of speech we use is speech that deals with comprehension, then we will only talk about that which we understand. As a preacher, I am invited to describe a reality that I am just beginning to get the hint of. That means being willing not to know, to stumble over language so I might tell a story. I'm not so interested in merely providing comprehension; I'm interested in describing reality, even if that leaves room for confusion.
We'll explore more of the implecations of making room in our life beyond comprehension to "apprehension is beholding" in the next several weeks of the Gathering (every Sunday 5pm) conversation.
awareness and it’s affect/effect [daily examen]
Tonight, in the Gathering, we will practice the Daily Examen. This has been an important practice in our pursuit of being more aware of God, of others, and our interior life. We have a pdf of the practice available in on our Resources page.
A few steps to follow to enter into the Daily Examen:
* Slow down your mind, and enter silence.
* Breathe deeply in and out. On every breath in, pray for God's nearness. On every breath out, pray for letting go of your life. (John 3:30)
* After a few moments, REWIND your day or week. Now scan through your interactions with people, words spoke, thoughts you thought, feelings you felt. Scan over moments with strangers, co-workers, with friends and family. Replay your actions, your work, your play, your moments alone. As you do, look for the "thin places."
Samir Selmanovic, in his book, It’s All Really About God, writes,
“Thin places are stopping places where we, for at least a moment, step into what lies beyond the doorway of the world limited to our five senses. These experiences confirm our hopes and bind us to our beliefs. Two worlds become one.”
* While examining your moments - don't force it - relax and prayerfully breath deep. this is not an exercise to find and share the most profound moment---it is an exercise in resting in God's nearness.
* After finding a moment to settle in on . . . consider the questions:
How is my Life Touched?
Is there an invitation here?
We are engaging the practice specifically to see where being AWARE of God and others and self is taking us. We are not meant for passivity - for boredom - but for creativity and life (see further thoughts from Matthew Fox on this). As a community, Convergence, and as individuals - How is the trajectory of our life influenced and resulting differently because of our AWARENESS of God?
We are asking the question within Convergence this way . . .
What affect (influence) is God having in our life? What effect (result) is it causing in the path of our lives?
together, we taste and . . . [communion baking sign-up]

"His Body Broken . . . His Blood Poured Out . . . His life in us," are the words you will often hear as we gather around the bread and cup of Christ at our gathering. Our senses are engaged, and together, we taste and are reminded of Christ's sacrifice. Together, we taste and our imagination goes to a future table where all are welcome. Together, we taste and are centered in His embrace, longing to see His life in all.
When the Convergence Community gathers, we often gather around meals, especially around the Eucharist. Our experiences of communion are multilayered--Sara Miles experience of communion gives me hope that communion can be central to the deep experience of shared life with God and one another.
EXPERIENCE: -excerpt from Take This Bread by Sara Miles on her first communion:
What happened a few minutes later is a mystery. I still can't explain my first Communion; it made no sense. I was in tears and physically unbalanced: I felt as if I had just stepped off a curb, or been knocked over, painlessly, from behind. The disconnect between what I thought was happening—I was eating a piece of bread; what I heard someone else say was happening—the piece of bread was the “body” of “Christ,” a patently untrue, or at best metaphorical statement; and what I knew was happening—God, named “Christ” or “Jesus,” was real, and in my mouth—utterly short-circuited my ability to do anything but cry. . . . Taste and see, the Bible said, and I did. I was tasting a connection between Communion and food—between my burgeoning religion and my real life. My first year at church ended with a question whose urgency would propel me into work I’d never imagined: Now that you’ve taken the bread, what are you going to do?
TASTE: Communion Bread by Heather Ariyeh
A few years ago Heather began baking weekly for our shared communion. It's become one of the rhythms many of us look forward to - tasting and seeing.
2 cups organic flour (plus more for rolling, etc.)
1/8 cup organic olive oil
3/4 cup water
1 tsp - 1 tbsp kosher salt (it has coarser crystals)
organic olive oil spray (optional)
Preheat Oven to 450 degrees.
Mix 2 c, flour, 1/8 c. olive oil, water and salt together in a bowl until combined. I like to use a fork to mix. Knead dough with floured hands, adding flour as needed until dough is no longer sticky. When it becomes a non-sticky, self-contained ball that no longer clings to the bowl, you’re done.
Lightly coat rolling pin in flour, and roll out dough onto a floured surface until approximately 1/4 inch thick. Transfer to a baking sheet covered in wax paper.
If you want, cut into shapes or pattern using a knife or cookie cutters. May help to lightly coat knife with flour, or even sometimes to wet knife (I realize these seem to conflict - but I am still experimenting!) b/c it creates a smoother edge. Score dough with a knife (butter knife works) so it is easier to break later. Use a fork to poke holes in the dough. This prevents air bubbles. You can make a pattern with this as well.
Spray bread with olive oil spray or apply a thin coat of regular olive oil.
Bake at 450 degrees for approximately 11 minutes (may be more or less - my oven is weird). I bake until bread is dry and starts to turn golden brown in spots. Remove and let cool.
SHARED:
Please consider continuing this rhythm by signing up for the next several weeks. Make it a household experience, invite friends over, plan to get the kiddos in the kitchen, get everyone involved in the baking, telling the unfolding story of Jesus breaking the bread and pouring the cup.
September 05 - Amy A.
September 12 - Christine & Jacob R.
September 19 - Community Meal (no communion meal)
September 26 - No Gathering (Retreat)
October 03 - *needed*
October 10 - Rethread Neighborhood Invites (walking the streets/flyers)
October 17 - Community Meal (no communion meal)
October 24 - *needed*
community as *intimacy *proximity *permanence
Today, Jill brought back to our attention some ideas about community that help us tangibly connect with the oft-used buzz word of "community." Let's consider Shane Hipps words and some questions that help us examine our life-trajectory toward shared life and solidarity.
“Authentic community is an elusive and slippery term. Borrowing from sociologists and theologians, I share the assumption that authentic community involves high degrees of intimacy, permanence, and proximity. These practices foster shared memories as well as a shared imagination of the future . . . Without (intimacy, permanence, and proximity), we lose our shared memories and imagination for where we are going, elements central to our identity as God’s people.” - Shane Hipps
INTIMACY:
* How is intimacy reflected in the biblical narrative? Where do we see intimacy in the Trinity?
* What is your own personal experience or stories that have shaped your ideas about intimacy?
* What might growing in intimacy look like for you?
* What are the systems, cultural aspects, and internal things that fight against intimacy?
PROXIMITY:
* How is proximity reflected in the biblical narrative? Where do we see proximity in the Trinity?
* What is your own personal experience or stories that have shaped your ideas about proximity?
* What might growing in proximity look like for you?
* What are the systems, cultural aspects, and internal things that fight against proximity?
PERMANENCE:
* How is permanence reflected in the biblical narrative? Where do we see permanence in the Trinity?
* What is your own personal experience or stories that have shaped your ideas about permanence?
* What might growing in permanence look like for you?
* What are the systems, cultural aspects, and internal things that fight against permanence?
Household Baking Evenings
Next week, April 6-8, we are bringing back our Household Baking Evenings. For more info about host homes please contact jandjjudd@gmail.com. The following are some ideas about items you may choose to bake with your group---or post some more HERE.
(post from Easter 2009)

Around our house, we enhance special days with making some great meals. Whether you are a family - or roomates - or on your own - let's join households and enhance special season of Easter with food and some shared moments, HOUSEHOLD BAKING EVENINGS!
<this sunday> we'll get you to sign up at the available homes. IF you want to open your house or apartment - comment here, or email gary@fusionokc.com.
RECIPE IDEAS (add your own in the comments!)
RED EARTH CAKE
(REVISED FROM LAST YEAR)
The Scrivner Family (mine growing up) always commemorated some spiritual maturing "markers" in our life with this cake. The symbolism of RED - with WHITE icing spoke to the cleansing work of Christ's sacrifice. Not only is it symbolic - it's a freaking great cake!
CAKE
1/2 c. Crisco
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 egg
4 Tb. cocoa
1 tsp. red food coloring
4 Tb. hot coffee
2 c. flour
1 c. buttermilk
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. soda
ICING
1/2 stick butter, softened
2 c. powdered sugar
3 Tb. half-and-half cream
1 tsp. vanilla
In mixer, cream sugar and Crisco; then add egg and beat. In a separate bowl, mix cocoa, coloring and coffee to smooth paste. Add to creamed mixture. Sift dry ingredients and add alternately to mixture with buttermilk. Stir in vanilla. Pour into 9x13 greased and floured pan and bake at 350F for 20-30mins. Frost with Powdered Sugar Icing.
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RESURRECTION ROLLS
(great Kid's Recipe)
Crescent Rolls - *Grands works great* (1 Tube)
Large Marshmallows
Tb. Cinnamon
Tb. Sugar
Separate rolls into pre-cut triangles. Give each child a triangle and marshmallow. Mix Cinnamon and Suger in a shallow bowl. Place marshmallow on triangle. Sprinkle a pinch of spices over the marshmallow. Wrap dough around marshmallow and seal all edge/openings completely shut. Bake according to package directions or until golden brown.
Symbolism: (Matthew 27:57-61) - This is symbolically intended to represent the preparation of Christ's body for the tomb. The dough represents the cave/tomb - the spices represent the spices that prepared bodies of the dead. The marshmallow represents Christ's sacrificed body. Read on in the story about the Resurrection, Christ was not in the tomb! Our Easter refrain is, HE IS RISEN! Once the "tombs" are golden brown - pull them out of the oven, and ask the kiddos in the house (once they've cooled) to open up the "tombs" and see where Jesus is--- The rolls will be EMPTY. A great reminder of the essence of our Easter celebration . . . "HE IS NOT HERE, HE IS RISEN!"
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Hot Cross Buns |
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| Servings: | 24 |
| Author Notes: | A traditional favorite on Good Friday in England, Hot Cross Buns are a spicy currant or raisin studded yeast bun, topped with a "Cross" of lemon flavored icing. While Christians have adopted the cake and the symbolism of the cross, it wasn't always so. To Pagans, then as now, the cross was/is representative of the sun wheel, which symbolizes perfect balance at the time of the Spring Equinox.Hot Cross Buns were probably originally used in ceremonies and rituals and the Christian Church attempted to ban the buns, although they proved too popular. Left with no alternative but defeat, the church did the next best thing and "Christianized" the bread with Queen Elizabeth I passing a law which limited the bun's consumption to proper religious ceremonies, such as Christmas, Easter or funerals. |
| Ingredients: | 1 cup milk 2 tablespoons yeast 1/2 cup sugar 2 teaspoons salt 1/3 cup butter, melted and cooled 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoons nutmeg 4 eggs 5 cups flour 1 1/3 cups currants or raisins 1 egg white Glaze |
| Instructions: | In a small saucepan, heat milk to very warm, but not hot (110°F if using a candy thermometer). Fit an electric mixer with a dough hook. Pour warm milk in the bowl of mixer and sprinkle yeast over. Mix to dissolve and let sit for 5 minutes.With mixer running at low speed, add sugar, salt, butter, cinnamon, nutmeg and eggs. Gradually add flour, dough will be wet and sticky, and continue kneading with dough hook until smooth, about 5 minutes. Detach bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let the dough "rest" for 30-45 minutes.
Return bowl to mixer and knead until smooth and elastic, for about 3 more minutes. Addcurrants or raisins and knead until well mixed. At this point, dough will still be fairly wet and sticky. Shape dough in a ball, place in a buttered dish, cover with plastic wrap and let rise overnight in the refrigerator (see note at right if you're in a hurry). Excess moisture will be absorbed by the morning. Let dough sit at room temperature for about a half-hour. Line a large baking pan (or pans) with parchment paper (you could also lightly grease a baking pan, but parchment works better). Divide dough into 24 equal pieces (in half, half again, etc., etc.). Shape each portion into a ball and place on baking sheet, about 1/2 inch apart. Cover with a clean kitchen towel and let rise in a warm, draft-free place until doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours.
In the meantime, pre-heat oven to 400° F.When buns have risen, take a sharp or serrated knife and carefully slash buns with a cross.Brush them with egg white and place in oven. Bake for 10 minutes, then reduce heat to 350° F, then Bake until golden brown, about 15 minutes more. Transfer to a wire rack.Whisk together glaze ingredients, and spoon over buns in a cross pattern. Serve warm, if possible.
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Communion Bread (from Heather)
2 cups organic flour (plus more for rolling, etc.)
1/8 cup organic olive oil
3/4 cup water
1 tsp - 1 tbsp kosher salt (it has coarser crystals)
organic olive oil spray (optional)
Preheat Oven to 450 degrees.
Mix 2 c, flour, 1/8 c. olive oil, water and salt together in a bowl until combined. I like to use a fork to mix. Knead dough with floured hands, adding flour as needed until dough is no longer sticky. When it becomes a non-sticky, self-contained ball that no longer clings to the bowl, you’re done.
Lightly coat rolling pin in flour, and roll out dough onto a floured surface until approximately 1/4 inch thick. Transfer to a baking sheet covered in wax paper.
If you want, cut into shapes or pattern using a knife or cookie cutters. May help to lightly coat knife with flour, or even sometimes to wet knife (I realize these seem to conflict - but I am still experimenting!) b/c it creates a smoother edge. Score dough with a knife (butter knife works) so it is easier to break later. Use a fork to poke holes in the dough. This prevents air bubbles. You can make a pattern with this as well.
Spray bread with olive oil spray or apply a thin coat of regular olive oil.
Bake at 450 degrees for approximately 11 minutes (may be more or less - my oven is weird). I bake until bread is dry and starts to turn golden brown in spots. Remove and let cool.
HAPPY BAKING!!!!!
Considering Local Food with Chef Ryan Parrott
Paul Baird (@paulbaird) sat down with Chef Ryan Parrot (@chefrp) last week to discuss FOOD. During the Lenten Season (The Forty) we are encouraging the consideration of "BOUND" asking the questions: "what enslaves you?" and "what ways do you enslave others?" We're thinking about the everyday ways we our choices might be binding another---maybe not out of our own hatred for them, but out of our own ignorance to the price others pay for our choices. In the video interview--Ryan helps us consider our everyday practices of buying---and the implications of those on health, local growers, and big box grocers.
What everyday choices about food could you consider changing? Check out these local efforts to make a difference!
www.oklahomafood.coop
www.keepitlocalok.com
www.regionalfoodbank.org
* VOTE BY MAR 18 * www.WeCanEndThis.com
Thank you to Chef Ryan Parrott for sharing your thoughts on the importance of local food. Check out Iguana Mexican Grill!
bio excerpt: ...Chef Ryan has a straightforward no frills style of cooking. Focusing on flavor rather than flair, and technique rather than style. He is proud to be residing in Oklahoma City with his wife, and five children, and is deeply rooted with many charity organizations, including The Arts Council, March of Dimes, Regional Food Bank, Canterbury Choral Society, Harn Homestead, The YMCA, MS Society, and Oklahoma City Museum of Art.
“what we believe emanates from who we are.” – Peter Rollins
I think I'm truly tired of mission statements, lists of beliefs, and value systems because they often seem less than honest. The idea is that we put up some "ideal" to shoot for but mostly don't live by it. So, when we don't live these "ideals" out BUT make sure everyone knows what they are--our life speaks to the false nature of those ideals---revealing that the whole thing must be a sham. Rollins, in the video below, talks about our "idealized self" versus who we really are. His words are so challenging---saying, if we are honest--we don't live up to these missions, beliefs, and values but its in the way we live that reveals what we believe, aspire to, and value. Wouldn't we be more honest if we just admitted that our lives are lived like we don't believe (most of the time). I think I just hope for a little humility in me--and us. One that might as well answer the question this way...
Q: As a Christian, Do you believe in God?
A: NO. OR at least, most of the time I don't. I aspire to, though...
"If you say you know God and don't love, you are a liar."
"What we believe emanates from who we are." - Peter Rollins
Peter Rollins is coming to Austin on March 31. We are working on a carpool - if you are interested, email us gary@convergenceokc.org. AND we're trying to get him to OKC - tweet him up @peterrollins and tell him you want him in OKC!
going through the door of death
"from dust you came and to dust you will return"
words gary and i quietly spoke as we etched the mark of death (scorched palms and the ancient symbol of excecution) on the foreheads of those joining us for the Ash Wednesday Liturgical gathering. I couldn't help but think, "am i okay marking these people with death?" - as the line filed through. Yes, i am. humbled to be a part of the process--but also, willing. Because it's more than marking---it's more than ritual (but ritual is beautifully rich and meaningful).
For me, the ashes marked a willingness on our part to say---Death comes, guaranteed AND we refuse to avoid it. In facing it--we see the fragility of life, and believe it's this that leads us to breathe in every breath as important---say every word with intention, and act in every opportunity to show love, compassion, justice and peace. It's my prayer that the ashes lead us to hold others closer, feel every moment deeply, to create with a furious intensity, to care for others without holding back. Death is certain. So, life must be lived with great intention. And, staring death in the face---we believe that Jesus changes everything about life and this intention of our days, now.
Are we willing to enter these 4o days...or will we avoid it? The season of winter wanes, only if we are present in it. What comes from engaging the winter---is an assurance of Spring, new life buds all around us--and in us. I encourage you to process with us the meaning of the winter---the darkness and the broken. the cold and the silence. The warmth of the sun, the color of the flowers will be birthed into the monochrome . . . and we'll see it more clearly when we've traveled through the 40 days of winter.
For some thoughts on how to "travel" through the forty . . . check out these resources:
new site up . . . more coming
check out the new site - it's up, but more content is coming. We'll be adding blog posts throughout theforty (lent season) HERE at the new convergence blog. Hope you will join us online or in the many ways we gather locally (in okc)... this new convergence blog focus on continuing the conversations and shared life we are doing in and around the Plaza District of Oklahoma City.












